


Art Thou Up, Tenzō?

by keepyourpantsongohan



Category: Naruto
Genre: Also Kaguya is Kakashi's Mother, Free Verse, Humour, I Cannot Adequately Explain This, Inspired by Romeo and Juliet, Instead of Iambic Pentameter, M/M, Modern AU, Nebulous Time Period, References to Shakespeare, Romance, Screenplay/Script Format, you get what you get
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:29:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24429517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keepyourpantsongohan/pseuds/keepyourpantsongohan
Summary: KAKASHITenzō, Tenzō, u up? Haha what would u do if I were there?I really prefer Tenzō to all your other names.I'd be willing to call you Yamato around the kids,But I think the "senpai" thing might give me a complex.TENZŌ(aside) I should've planned this balcony eavesdrop better.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Yamato | Tenzou
Comments: 24
Kudos: 73





	Art Thou Up, Tenzō?

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this tweet.](https://twitter.com/margielaseele/status/1263870889046786051) Modern line adaption of R/J ft. no true rhyming scheme. Free-verse all the way, baybeeeee.

_**TENZŌ** returns **.**_

**TENZŌ**  
I'm really in a weird emotional place rn. 

_**KAKASHI** appears in a window above._

Oh my god there's a really hot guy up there,  
On that balcony, there's Kakashi, a ten.  
You light up my path more than the moon,  
Which isn't to say that the moon is ugly,   
Grey hair really _works_ for your family.   
I seriously don't mean to insult your mom,  
But you're the hottest person in your family.  
What's your opinion on sex?  
Is it weird if I call my boyfriend "senpai"?  
I certainly think I've seen ninjas do weirder.  
Oh look, he's talking. What that mouth do?  
He's looking over here. I'm gonna say something—  
No, no, that would probably be weird.  
Where did that sharingan come from?   
It's really nice colour for such a tragic backstory.  
I like both of his eyes. They don't have to match,  
His gaze is as sharp as a kunai to my sternum.  
I know I can't see half of his face with the mask,  
But my shinobi senses tell me he's good-looking.  
I want to be a piece of fabric so I can wrap myself,  
Around his chin.

 **KAKASHI**  
Uh, what?

 **TENZŌ**  
(aside) I forgot he might hear me, whoopsie daisie.   
I could listen to him talk all day,  
Which I am used to doing because we teach together,   
What a strange employment situation.   
Has anyone ever told you that you look unusual?  
Do you come here often? From heaven?   
I bet you're popular with all the jōnin guys. 

**KAKASHI**  
Tenzō, Tenzō, u up? Haha what would u do if I were there?  
I really prefer Tenzō to all your other names.   
I'd be willing to call you Yamato around the kids,  
But I think the "senpai" thing might give me a complex. 

**TENZŌ**  
(aside) I should've planned this balcony eavesdrop better.

 **KAKASHI**  
I think our relationship status is "it's complicated."  
I don't really do the whole "dating your coworkers."  
Yamato, your Wikifeet page would get five stars,  
But the real Wikifeet rating is inside of my heart.   
Tenzō or Yamato, it doesn't really matter.  
You're the first man I've wanted to smell in real life.  
Tenzō, even if we called you Toruto,   
You'd still be Handsome-Taichō in my heart.   
I think one of us should change professions,   
The Brady Bunch is unrealistic.

 **TENZŌ**  
I can compromise on Brady Bunch.   
You can call me whatever you want,   
As long as you call me lover in bed.

 **KAKASHI**  
Um, excuse me. Can't a man monologue loudly,  
In the privacy of his own apartment yard?

 **TENZŌ**  
No, I was eavesdropping. Listen to my asides.   
I don't want to say my name though,   
Because Ninja HR might not like this scenario  
I won't lie; I haven't really read the policy.

 **KAKASHI**  
Oh hey, I know that respect for HR policies anywhere.  
Tenzō? Yamato? Who are you tonight?

 **TENZŌ**  
Anything you want me to be, babe. ;)

 **KAKASHI**  
How did you get in our complex, by the way?   
We pay extra rent to not have to socialize,  
Which is why I always ask you to pay for lunch.

 **TENZŌ**  
I jumped your fence. Please don't press charges,  
I'm not responsible for what I do around hot guys.  
If you'd let me, I would fight your landlord!

 **KAKASHI**  
Please don't fight my landlord.

 **TENZŌ**  
I'm not afraid of twenty landlords,  
If it means we can Netflix and chill.  
Love is the only experimental drug I need. 

**KAKASHI**  
If at all possible, I'd like to avoid landlord-fighting.

 **TENZŌ**  
It's 3am, so it's unlikely they'll see me,   
But I'll take the breaking and entering charge,  
A world where you're not down to clown,  
Is a world I don't want to see.

 **KAKASHI**  
Did Asuma tell you where my apartment is? 

**TENZŌ**  
I've been to your house before, remember,  
After ANBU training you invited me over,  
And gave me your wifi password that night.   
I feel like that solidified your hotness,   
And highlighted your poor internet security.

 **KAKASHI**  
It's a good thing I am wearing a mask,  
Because my entire body is red and sweaty,  
I'm caught between swooning and screaming,  
This is really the mortifying ordeal of being known.  
Are you saying you're into me for real?  
I wouldn't be mad about it if you were.   
But my loved ones dying rate is around 75% so far,  
So you can understand my commitment issues, Tenzō.   
Plus I read that some people like playing hard-to-get,  
Although that's probably because society polices,  
The sexual expression of underrepresented groups,   
For example, the characters in the Naruto manga.   
I think I might be sending out some mixed signals here,  
But you already heard me calling out your name,  
To the fiddle-leaf fig I talk to on my balcony.  
I am trying to convey, to the best of my abilities,  
"Down to clown" is my middle name. 

**TENZŌ**  
I swear on your mom's life, because I don't have one,  
I wholeass all parts of my life, including love—

 **KAKASHI**  
Well, I have a complex relationship with my mother,  
As might be evidenced by events of Chapter 690,   
Which is either in the past or future; it's unclear. 

**TENZŌ**  
Do you prefer pinkie swears? 

**KAKASHI**  
Don't swear, I have four children at home,   
But if you have to make a promise to me,   
I would strongly prefer that you knock on wood. 

**TENZŌ**  
LOL (Lots of love)—

 **KAKASHI**  
Your tender acronyms distress me, conflicting,  
With the throbbing erection of my heart.  
I am not a person who rushes into things,   
Despite the sparks I feel flying between us,   
Like an accidental chidori through Rin's chest (oops).   
As one of your trees, I feel our bond growing,   
So I'm gonna sleep because romance is taxing.  
Gotta go, babe, I will ttyl  
But my DMs are open, so please hit me up.

 **TENZŌ**  
I feel like this is not the climax I expected.

 **KAKASHI**  
It's hard to provide climaxes from a balcony?

 **TENZŌ**  
No, no, I mean I was hoping to ask you out.

 **KAKASHI**  
This conversation has already been like sixth base for me,  
But I'd go to bat for you a thousand times. 

**TENZŌ**  
Your baseball metaphor confuses me. Is that a good thing?

 **KAKASHI**  
The baseball is my romantic vulnerability.  
I'm not used to yearning, or reciprocating.   
I want to give you stuff. Is that normal?  
I'm known among our peers for being cheap,  
But I want to be your emotional sugar daddy,  
And pay your ANBU tuition with love. 

_**TSUNADE** calls from the distance._

Oh no, last call at the bar has passed,  
And the Hokage wants to talk about my career.  
I'll see you in a hot minute, sweet Tenzō.

_Exit **KAKASHI,** above._

**TENZŌ**  
Oh my mokuton. My heart is aflutter,   
Suggesting an altered flow of my chakra,  
Like a strangely sexy and fun genjutsu. 

_Enter **KAKASHI,** above._

**KAKASHI**  
I have one more thing to say to you, Tenzō,  
I've known you to be a stand-up kind of man,  
So don't stand me up... on our date tomorrow.   
I'll meet you at an undetermined time and location,  
Asuma will tell you; he tends to lurk.  
We can get some lunch, and also dinner,   
I'm not sure about date locales aside from restaurants. 

**TSUNADE**  
(from the distance) Kakashi!

 **KAKASHI**  
(to TSUNADE) The door is open! (to TENZŌ)   
But if you were kidding about any of this, haha me too.

 **TSUNADE**  
(from the distance) Kakashi!

 **KAKASHI**  
I'm here, Hokage-sama—  
But seriously, my heart is in your hands dude,  
And other things, if we're lucky.

 **TENZŌ**  
My heart is already with you—

 **KAKASHI**  
Omg stop, I'll see you tomorrow xxxxx

_**KAKASHI** exits._

**TENZŌ**  
The true 'x' is the ex-citement I'm feeling.  
Being with him is like Naruto looking at a bowl of ramen,  
And leaving him is being stabbed by Sasuke's sword.

_**TENZŌ** moves to exit. Reenter **KAKASHI** , above._

**KAKASHI**  
Yo, Tenzō! Yo! Oh, if I were a bird catcher,  
I'd get one of those bird-call whistles,  
So I could Tweet at you without a character limit.  
Or maybe I could ask Naruto to start shouting,  
"Captain Yamato!" at the top of his lungs,  
His voice really resonates when he yells "Sasuke!"

 **TENZŌ**  
When I hear you call out for me,  
My ears burn red from your smooth talking,  
Like Sai's innards after eating Sakura's food pills.

 **KAKASHI**  
Tenzō!

 **TENZŌ**  
Yes, my silver-throated tit?

 **KAKASHI**  
You going to text me tomorrow?

 **TENZŌ**  
As soon as I wake up. :)

 **KAKASHI**  
I won't leave you on read. I can't wait for morning.  
Sorry I stopped you from leaving my yard. 

**TENZŌ**  
Don't be sorry; your fence is very high. 

**KAKASHI**  
You could stay there a while, fences are dangerous,  
Probably even more dangerous than being a ninja.

 **TENZŌ**  
This fence definitely wouldn't pass a safety inspection,  
And you know how strongly I feel about building regulations.

 **KAKASHI**  
The neighbours won't like our sunrise rendezvous,   
But it's safest for you in the yard, like a bird cage,  
Preventing a cat (my landlord) from pawing you,  
With a legal notice for trespassing.  
But perhaps the greatest threat is love, because,   
If you were my pet bird, I'd pet you to death.

 **TENZŌ**  
Hhhnnnfgffghhhh I wanna be a bird so fucking bad.

 **KAKASHI**  
You would make an incredible bird,   
But if I don't know if I could handle being called a furry,  
So I must peace out, and hit the sack,  
I swear this time, I'll call you back.

_**KAKASHI** exits. _

**TENZŌ**  
I have no doubt that I'll be receiving his call,  
And why do we radio? Is that past the fourth wall?  
I guess I should ask Gai what to wear on a date,  
All of my outfits include vest and faceplate. 

_Exit._


End file.
